


Lethologica

by babybel



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, au where jenny comes back to check on donna post-memory wipe, cause she wants to see her mom :'(, closure in theory but not in practice, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybel/pseuds/babybel
Summary: “So, questions…” Jenny ran her finger down her notepad, and then looked up at Donna. “One: are you happy?”Donna had never been interviewed for a Health and Safety inspection before, but she was pretty sure this wasn't standard operating procedure.
Relationships: Jenny (Doctor Who: the Doctor's Daughter) & Donna Noble
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Lethologica

**Author's Note:**

> lethologica - _noun._ the feeling of having a word or phrase you can't remember right on the tip of your tongue.

“Hi, can I help you?” Donna looked up from her computer, because for some reason, out of the rows and rows of employee cubicles, the woman in the suit had decided to come over to hers. “I don’t have an appointment set right now, maybe you’re looking for someone else? If you give me the name, I can-”

“Health and Safety,” the woman said quickly. “We don’t make appointments. I just wanted to ask you some questions, if that’s alright.” She was blonde, and young, and pretty. 

If Donna were her, she certainly wouldn’t be spending her Friday evening in a sales firm. She shrugged. “Sure. I’m not going to get much more done before close anyway. Pull up a chair.” 

The woman did. “What’s your name?”

“Donna Noble,” Donna answered automatically. “But- wait, this is anonymous, right? I don’t want them upstairs knowing what-”

“Yes, yeah, of course it is.” The woman made a note. “You know, my dad knew a Noble.”

“Who’s your dad, then?”

“John Smith?” she offered. “Doctor John Smith.”

Donna shrugged. “It isn’t ringing any bells, but with a name like that I could meet him a hundred times over and not be able to pick him out of a crowd.” She laughed. “Bad memory, me. My mum always says I’ll forget my head next, you know.” 

The young woman sighed, rubbing at her temple. 

“You alright, love?”

“Yeah, fine. Thanks.” 

“I didn’t get your name.” Maybe it was just the people person in her, but Donna felt obligated to check up on her. Maybe they were overworking her at the agency. And she did look young, maybe she was doubling up work with grad studies. 

“Jenny,” the woman replied, and gave her a smile. 

“Alright, Jenny. Nice to meet you.” Donna laughed. It was silly, but she had maybe fifteen minutes left on the clock, and nothing really mattered when you had fifteen minutes left on the clock. 

“So, questions…” Jenny ran her finger down her notepad, and then looked up at Donna. “One: are you happy?”

“Am I… happy?” Donna repeated. 

Jenny nodded. 

Donna had never been interviewed for a Health and Safety inspection before, but she was pretty sure this wasn’t standard operating procedure. Well, what did she know? “I think so, yeah,” she said, and as she said it a sort of ache filled her chest. She ignored it. “I’m not temping anymore, this is permanent, so that’s nice. And- oh, two months.” She held out her hand, showing Jenny her wedding ring. 

“Congratulations,” Jenny said softly, looking down at it. “Are they nice?”

“Yeah, nice enough,” Donna answered, and found that was all she could say about Shaun. She felt hollow, and wondered why she had it in her head that she was missing something when this was technically the happiest she’d ever been. Her own apartment. A husband. A steady, permanent job. She’d never had it better than this, so she wasn’t sure what exactly she could be missing. 

“You’re doing alright, then?”

“Sure, yeah.” Donna smiled. Jenny looked sad, and she felt like maybe she should cheer her up. “Hey, do you get off at five?”

Jenny looked back at the clock and nodded. 

“Let me buy you a pint. You drink?”

“Why?” Jenny asked. 

“You look like you’ve had a hell of a day.” 

Jenny sighed. “All right.” 

“Got any more questions?” Donna asked, because insofar they’d really just been little personal things. Inconsequential, her mother would call them. Inconsequential. 

“I just wanted to check up on you,” Jenny said. “See how you’re doing.” 

“Seriously, who are you, though?” Donna asked, grinning, because now she was sure this woman wasn’t Health and Safety. “Is this some sort of joke? Oh, did Nerys send you?”

Jenny put her notebook down. “Do you want the easy answer that I’m about to pull out of my ass or the truth?”

“Um.” Donna felt like what she answered actually mattered, and a chill crept over her, making the skin on her arms tighten into goosebumps. “The truth. Yeah, the truth.” 

“I think you’re my mum.” 

Donna’s eyes widened. “What? Wait, I don’t think I- I didn’t! That’s not possible, I didn’t-”

“Alright, alright, I said it wasn’t going to be an easy answer,” Jenny said placatingly, looking back at the clock again. “Save it for the pub, alright?”

Donna was staring at her. “Save it for the pub,” she repeated, voice low and disbelieving. Maybe a little too theatrical, but she had a right. “You just told me that, and now you’re telling me to save it for the pub?”

“Sorry,” Jenny replied with a little wince. 

“I,” Donna said, with vindication, “have never been pregnant, not once in my life, and I think I’d remember it if I had, thanks.”

“Right, so I think you need a drink.” Jenny took Donna by the arm. 

The only reason Donna let Jenny lead her out of the building was because she was sure, around each corner they came to, that Nerys and her chums would be there to have a good laugh at her, and that Jenny would be someone’s younger sister home from uni that they thought they’d use to take the piss. Of course, they weren’t, and then she was out in the parking lot with this stranger. 

“Hey, hang on,” she said, words coming out too quiet. “Just a second. How am I- can you just tell me? Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“I think,” Jenny said, “that my dad really messed something up. Something that I can’t fix, which I’m sorry for. Like, really sorry.” 

The evening air was cool but not cold, and the sun was halfway down. 

“What on earth are you talking about?” Donna asked slowly, half whispering, each word separate from the next. 

“We’re really going to do this in a parking lot, aren’t we,” Jenny murmured. “All right, that’s all right. I really can’t say a lot because my dad- fucked it up, but it’s… you’re not my biological mum.”

Donna let out a breath of relief. She was sure she’d remember something like having a kid - she would, wouldn’t she? - but the way Jenny’d been going on had scared her.

“It’s just that you were the first person who cared about me, before my dad was- ready, I guess. To accept me.” Jenny was blinking fast, and her voice took on a sharp, irritated tone. “Makes this really unfair, because you were like the first person who loved me. Um-” She looked down, rubbing at her eye. “Sorry. From there it all gets really confusing. But I didn’t come here to confuse you, or- I didn’t even mean to tell you when I got here. I just- I don’t want anything, I just wanted to see how you were. Because, you know. I’m- I miss you.” 

Donna wasn’t sure where to begin, or which angle to come at it from. There was so much to unpack. Her logical, raised-by-her-mother brain was saying that Jenny was just a poor lost kid, probably messed up in the head, with a crazy story she’s latched onto as a coping mechanism. Her gentle, raised-by-her-granddad brain was telling her that no matter what, Jenny probably needs a hug right now. She didn’t know what her own thoughts were. She’d been having trouble finding those, this last year or so. What she said was, “Here, don’t cry,” and she pulled her sleeve over her thumb and used it to pat Jenny’s cheeks. 

Jenny sniffed, and then gave a quiet laugh, somewhat thickened by the tears in her throat. “Thanks.”

Donna’d experienced déjà-vu before, and that was the closest thing to what hit her then, although, really, it was still miles off. She was somewhere pretty dark, maybe underground. The air was heavy, and everything had a greenish sort of tint. Jenny, dressed in a clean t-shirt and military trousers, lay dead on the ground. 

She took a step back, and the world felt like it was spinning. She tried to get her breath back, and tried to rationalize what on earth that - vision? memory? dream? - was. “I know you,” she got out first, then, “You’re alive?”

“Yeah, I’m alive,” Jenny returned, and she was smiling, but that smile quickly faded and was replaced by a look of consternation. “I thought you didn’t remember.” 

“I don’t, I- I don’t,” Donna said, putting her hands to the back of her head like she used to when she ran track in school and had to try to breathe after a race. She took a deep breath, pushed it out through her lips. “I don’t know what’s happening.” 

“It’s all right, though?” Jenny asked, nervously, and touched a hand to Donna’s arm. 

“Yeah, yeah, I think so. Just give me a minute.” 

Jenny did, pulling the hair from the end of her ponytail forward to fiddle with. 

After she’d straightened her thoughts out as best she could, Donna said, “I still don’t- I don’t know who you are. But I’m happy, I’m so happy to see you.” It was true; her chest felt like it was full of light or something. Love, maybe. “I’m glad you’re safe.” And she pulled Jenny into a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” Jenny said into her shoulder. “This is probably really weird, and really confusing.” 

“Yeah, it is,” Donna agreed. She couldn’t stop smiling. “What am I meant to do, just accept that I know you but I’ve never met you before? And that I saw you or- or dreamed you dead but you’re alive?”

Jenny took a step back. “I don’t know, I didn’t think it would go this way. Like, at all. It’s really good to see you smile, though.” 

“Listen,” Donna said, “do you still want that pint?”

Jenny laughed. “Sure.” 

They went and had a pint. The entire time, Donna was forcefully refusing to think about any of it logically. She was letting herself enjoy being in the company of someone who she thought, for whatever unfathomable reason, really knew her. It was weird, and it was making her feel like no one in her actual life knew her at all. It unsettled her, made her feel like she was missing out on more than just how she met Jenny, but, again, she was on a strict no-logical-thinking order at least until they were done their drinks. It was inexplicably nice to know that Jenny was all right, which Jenny assured her whenever she asked. 

When they were finished, Donna held the door of the pub for Jenny, and the chill of the night air swept over them. “Do you need a ride to anywhere?” Donna offered. It made sense, what Jenny’d told her. She did feel like she had to mother the girl. 

“No, I’m all set. Thanks for the drink, though.” Jenny rested her hands on her hips. 

“Yeah, of course,” Donna replied, almost absentmindedly. “You’ll take care wherever it is you’re going?”

“Yes,” Jenny promised, smiling a clean, confident smile. “Wouldn’t want you worrying.” 

“You really can’t tell me anything else?” asked Donna, because she could sense that this was about to be over, and she was hating how disarrayed it would leave her. 

Jenny sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s- I hate it, that’s how unfair it is. I’m really sorry.” 

“No, no, don’t be,” Donna told her, not knowing where the words were coming from. “It’s not your fault.” A headache was starting up behind her temple. Maybe it was a bad idea to drink, although she’d hardly had enough to even feel tipsy. “You have to go, don’t you.”

Jenny nodded, and she looked reluctant. “Yeah. You’re actually happy, though? That’s all I wanted to know. I have to make sure your life is good.” 

“I’m-” Donna stopped, and for no reason she could find her eyes filled with tears. “I am happy, I am,” she insisted. She was about to start crying, really crying, and she didn’t want Jenny to have to see that. “Goodbye, Jenny.” 

“Bye.” Jenny sounded sad. 

Donna could feel Jenny’s eyes on her as she walked over to her car. 

“Wait, Mum-” 

“What?” Donna turned, and then held a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking with sobs. Just like her, she thought, as her entire body tried to convince her she had something to grieve. Just like her to go for a drink with a total stranger and then get cracked up over it. 

Jenny jogged over to her and hugged her. She was strong; her arms were tight around Donna. “When’s your anniversary?” Jenny asked softly, her voice soothing. She was rubbing Donna’s back. 

“My- what?” Donna sniffed. Her mind was so jumbled she couldn’t think, and that headache was getting worse. “Um, March. March twenty-third. But why-?”

“I’ll come back,” Jenny said gently. “I’ll bring you flowers or something. For your one year. I really didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“I’m not upset,” Donna argued. “I’m- I don’t know why I’m-” She couldn’t keep talking; she had no idea what she was trying to say. “I’m going to go home, okay?”

Jenny let her go. “Have a good night,” she said. Then she pulled the sleeve of her shirt down over her thumb and wiped Donna’s face. “All right, there. Bye.” 

“Bye,” Donna repeated. Pride, she realized, was one of the things she was feeling. It felt good to be able to put a name to at least one of them. She was proud of Jenny, of who Jenny was. She was so proud. She wanted to say it was good to meet her, and what she said was, “Good to see you again.” 

“You too.” Jenny smiled. She sighed, and then turned and walked off down the street. 

Jenny walked the same way she smiled, Donna realized. All that confidence. She got into her car, and looked at herself in the rearview mirror until she was sure that Shaun wouldn’t see she’d been crying. 

It was her go-to fall-back method not to process anything, and she was exercising it as she drove home. As much as the whole thing was bizarre and worrying, she sort of knew somewhere in her that it made sense, and that it was all right. She used that feeling to excuse how she wouldn’t try to explain it logically. Logic. That was her mother’s go-to fall-back method, and she wasn’t her mother. 

She got home, and told Shaun she was late because a coworker’s car had died and needed a jump without knowing why she was lying. She brushed her teeth and took aspirin for her headache and watched telly with Shaun until they were both ready for bed.

Once he was already in their room, she went to her desk and put a sticky note next to her laptop. On it, she wrote the date of her anniversary. 

And that night, she dreamed of the stars. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @lesbiandonnanoble


End file.
